The Lifegiving Home

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We generally don't talk a lot about homemaking on our episodes of Homeschooling in Real Life, but we do mention family culture and we certainly talk a lot about creating a home that makes kids feel safe to live transparently. We definitely do talk a lot about pointing each other to Jesus, too, don't we? 

Sally Clarkson was one of the first homeschooling moms I (Kendra) listened to and read almost 20 years ago when we started homeschooling. She was an encourager, a passionate lover of Jesus, and a gentle voice who reassured me in my dark moments. In particular, I remember a story she told in one of her early books about being frustrated with her kids as she heard them goofing off down the hall, until she discovered that they were actually oohing and aahing over their baby sister. That was confirmation my Type-A self needed to hear.

Sally's the big sister I never had. She might be the mentor you are yearning for, too.

Right now in the Fletcher home, a thousand plates are spinning and threatening to crash at the slightest provocation. My heart is desirous of creating a home that doesn't feel like a freeway collision, but my flesh is weak, friends. When Sally's book, The Lifegiving Home, arrived in my mailbox a few weeks ago, I knew this was the right time to read it. I read what I need.

The Pinterest pressure is off, though. I was leery of that, you know. I don't need another idea screaming at me in the face and revealing what I loser I feel like. I'm pretty good at doing that myself. So then, this, which Sally and her daughter Sarah wrote together:

"We want to show women (and men, if they're interested) how to create a space that supports vibrant, productive living and supports growth of body, soul, and spirit."

Yes. Me, too! I want to create a home that is all of those things. A place that feels like a refuge rather than what I currently feel: the place where all my work is and that I can never escape all the work. And maybe, if I create a place of rest and refuge and beauty for Fletch and me, all of that will spill over onto our kids and seep into our souls, don't you think?

I'm still reading The Lifegiving Home, so I can't tell you how this story ends. But I can tell you that it's a lovely winter read, perfect for the days I'm anxiously awaiting the almond blossoms next door and a warmer breeze and flip flops every day. 

One more thing? Don't try to be Sally. Don't try to be us. Just be you. God created your home to be a place that reflects the unique ways He has gifted you, and that's a beautiful truth.

Nothing is required for the making of a home except a heart that loves God, an imagination fired by His Spirit, and hands ready to create.
— Sally Clarkson

More from Sally Clarkson:


Grace and Gumballs - How the Gospel Informs Parenting

Last Friday wasn't an unusual day except for the fact that my normally always-complaining child amped up his complaining to legendary heights.

We started the day with a tennis lesson, which is fun and active and led by a coach who knows how to get kids playing quickly and well. It was sunny outside and the courts were dry. Really, what was there to complain about?

He found it. It was too cold/tennis balls were too slow/his arm hurt/the sun was in his eyes/he just wanted to be home playing Legos and by the way, why aren't we home playing Legos???

Coupled with the complaining was rudeness directed at our coach, which earned him a couple of laps around the court during the lesson. By the time we got into the car, I was having to talk myself down from the angry parental lecture ledge, knowing his heart was not in a place to hear me anyway.

There's always a struggle with the Dark Side, isn't there?

There's always a struggle with the Dark Side, isn't there?

We drove across the busy road to the grocery store, and as I parked I gave him and his sister typical mom instructions: "I'm just running in for a few things. Do not ask me for anything while we're in the store. Just a few things. Got it?"

I bet you can guess what my complainer did next. I'm pretty sure we hadn't even passed the gumball machines before he was begging me for a quarter for the gumball machines. I was seriously going to lose it with this kid, but I took the high ground and kept quiet. I prayed and asked God to help me not lose my cool. 

Having grabbed the few items I needed, I gave complaining boy and his sister permission to head over to the gumball machines while I checked out. Nice of me, wasn't it? Apparently not. My discontented offspring grumbled all the way to the row of machines-that-dispense-junk, adding a few "I wish I had a quarter" statements in for good measure. 

As we left the store to head to the parking lot, the discontent one excitedly informed me that he had turned the mechanisms for each and every machine and, "LOOK!" A shiny green gumball lay in his hand. "I didn't even need a quarter! The machine gave me one for free!"

What kind of a lesson is that? Be an ungrateful grump and get a gumball? I shook my head and wondered what exactly God was doing and then, right there in the middle of that grocery store parking lot, it hit me. I turned to my complainer and I said, 

"Son, you do not deserve that gumball." His face dropped as he contemplated the possibility that I was now going to take the candy away from him. "You have done nothing but complain this morning. You were disrespectful to Coach Weber and you completely disregarded the instructions I gave you as we left the car. But that gumball? It's God's grace in your life.

We are all as discontent and self-focused as you have been today, and that's exactly why we all need Jesus. Do you see? Jesus didn't give us what we deserved. He gave us the gift of forgiveness and life and grace. He gave us the gumball when we deserved to sit out and stew in our sin.

When you are ever tempted to think that you are the center of the world, remember the gumball. You've been given forgiveness for your sin and a gumball of grace and eternal life on top of it."

It didn't take an angry mom lecture to turn the heart of my complainer that day. I always thought it would. I spent two decades of parenting thinking that if I pounded my kids with the law, they would straighten up and do what I and God wanted them to do. But that's not the way it works! It's the gospel - the good news - the hope of Christ, the totally upending truth of what He did for us - that grabs our hearts and squeezes them tightly and turns our heads toward Him.

I saw it clearly in my son. His eyes widened, his shoulders relaxed, and his need for so many things he thought might make him happy that particular morning slipped away in the blinding light of grace and mercy. 

Is it a formula? Nope. There aren't any. But it's the hope of the resurrection of Jesus Christ and it is more than enough!


There is more grace in Christ than sin in you.
— Burk Parsons

Do you need more to read about how grace and the gospel inform our parenting? 

 How to Discipline a 4-Year-Old Through 10-Year-Old With Grace

Kids and Grace and Discipline

Parenting With Grace and What That Actually Looks Like

Abundant Grace and Teaching Moments

Fear-Driven Parenting and the Grace That Sets Us Free

What Does Homeschooling From a Place of Grace Look Like?

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