Teens, Tweens, Toddlers - How to Manage Multiple Ages and Homeschooling

It seems like a lifetime ago, but when we started homeschooling, our oldest son was four. We also had a two-year-old and a newborn, and as life went on, we added another baby about every other year or so. Pretty soon we had a big group of eight kids from 15 down to the baby, and I felt like I was drowning every day.

I have learned and implemented a lot of management techniques over the years.

Sometimes the things I try work and other times I have to scrap the whole shebang just an hour or two into it. Quite honestly, my current frustration is teens who see the systems, know the systems, and ignore the systems. Systems, it seems, aren't the stuff of which relationships are made.

I'm not so good at relationships. I'm very good at projects. For all the homeschooling moms out there who love to while away the afternoon with a cup of coffee and a long conversation on the couch, I'm the homeschooling mom who would rather organize paperwork and cook dinner. I'm the one to whom administration and organization come naturally. I'm the one who is socially inept most of the time, so if you want to throw a party, I'll get it all up and running for you. Just don't ask me to host. Ha!

I'm working on the relationship part, and I love reading books by homeschooling moms who are relationship rock stars.

Are you needing help knowing how to not drown while homeschooling?

How to not go completely under? I can do that. In fact, I have a whole site dedicated to helping you figure out how to homeschool older kids well while managing little ones, too. It's called Preschoolers and Peace, and it's been around a long, long time.

Help is here!

I also have two eBooks that might come in handy, particularly if you want to cut to the chase and not have to poke around the site for the info you need. The first is called Preschoolers and Peace: Homeschooling Older Kids With Success While Loving the Little Ones at Your Feet (affiliate link), and it covers everything from home management to kid management to schedules to food to school ideas.

The other is Circle Time: Plan the Best Part of Your Day (affiliate link). I was struggling getting to all of the subjects we wanted to cover, such as Scripture memory, art, writing letters, etc., and so I implemented a group time around our kitchen table that includes all the kids. It's been the anchor to our homeschool for the past 15 years!

Here's to thriving in our homes!

-Kendra, who is off to focus on some relationships here . . .

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Letters From Listeners: What Does It Mean When You Say Jesus is Enough?

The following letter is from one of our listeners and contained a beautiful back-story. In order to protect her privacy, however, we chose to leave a lot of her details unwritten here. Her question stands on its own.

Hey there Andy and Kendra,

As someone stepping into the foreign world of homeschool/stay at home mom-ness I have let the internet fill me with knowledge about what I need to do be a better mom. If only I____________, then I will feel like I did a good job and I will know I am doing right by my family. I have started to have meltdowns over all of these things. I try to do it all during the day: homeschool my three-year-old, make family notebooks, bake my own bread, learn how to sew their clothes, make homemade cleaning chemicals, read about different homeschool styles, essential oils, church activities. But I end up yelling at my children who keep getting in the way of me trying to be a better mom. “Can’t you see Mommy is trying to make this so I can be a better Mommy for you, no I cannot read you that story right now . . . Why are you acting out right now, I am trying to learn how to be a better mom here.”

I listened to your podcast last night - episode 34 - and it was like it was straight from the Lord to stop me in my tracks. I had a rough time in high school and have a history of eating disorders and depression and I could feel the icy fingers of the need to gain “real” control over life coming these past few weeks. I just wanted to thank you so much for interviewing Kimm. It was like God’s wake up call to me to say, hey, guess what, this is where you are headed.

So now I am stuck with, if the standards of measure are taken away that I so desperately want to use to help me to make up for all of the selfishness in my heart for all of my sin, what now? How do you measure your days as a stay at home mom? How are you supposed to measure yourself with any hope at all of feeling not like a failure? How do you make Jesus “enough” for you to live through your day? I know it sounds like I am clueless or something but, how do you make the spiritual reality that God loved you enough to die for you and to take on the whole punishment for your sin so that you can glorify Him and spend eternity with Him, useful to you in your everyday physical life that is so messy? After a day with lost patience, a selfish heart that doesn’t want to read that story for the 12th time today, etc., what does it mean to say that Jesus is enough, what does it look like to live grace to your kids when you have a three year old who needs to learn to obey but also needs to learn about grace?

I am not sure you will even have the time to read this whole message but anyway, I just wanted to say thank you, thank you, thank you so much. I can feel that the Lord has preserved our family in so many ways due to your podcast episodes as we are a young family just trying to hard to do it all right and so at risk for clinging to and running with standards of measures!

Thank you for your time, your work, and your ministry!

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It's difficult, this idea, this truth that Jesus is enough. We tend to hear the gospel, respond, and then seek the law we humans are prone to loving so well, and we request, "Now tell me what I need to do."

Actually, I've stated that incorrectly. It's not difficult; it's incredibly simple. Jesus paid it all. When He said, "It is finished", He meant, everything. Every sin atoned for. Every human effort crossed out and made null and void. Every longing of our heart satisfied in Him. And then we say, "I get that. Now give me my checklist so I know I'm doing this following you thing well."

There's no checklist. There's only Jesus. He loves us so fully, that out of that love poured out over our lives, we are compelled to want to be like Him, to follow Him, to be changed in every nook and cranny by Him. By Him. 

What, then, do you do? How do you measure your days? You do the next thing: feed the baby, wash the dishes, take a nap with the toddler, fold the laundry, run the errands, take the walk to the park, spray on the perfume, run the marathon, take the ballet class, watch the football game, kiss your husband, pour over your Bible . . . you live in freedom and do the next thing. In it all, you trust the Holy Spirit to change you. It's His work from the inside, not yours from the outside. No amount of organic rice flour bread baking or essential oil using or clothes sewing or {name it} is going to do that. Only Him.

How did He create you to be? Are you spunky and energetic? Be that, to His glory! Are you quiet and introspective? Be that, to His glory! Do you love people or animals, babies or business, art or sports or race cars or golf or math? Love those things, to His glory. He created you to be and do and love those things, and He redeems them for His glory and your good. 

Jesus is enough. I promise. He promises. And His word is the Word.

-Kendra

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Merry Christmas to All of Our Wonderful Listeners!

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It Was Time to Focus on Learning One Thing This Year

We have a little problem with several of the younger children in our home: it seems that when you're the last of a big bunch of 8, you don't learn to work as hard as the rest of the crew. Why pick up the candy wrapper if someone older will come along and do it for you?

For us, this is the year of learning one thing. This is the year that a few little folks will learn to pick up after themselves, put things away where they belong, and take care of the things they've been given. At the cost of everything else that they need to learn - even academic subjects - this is what we're going to focus on.

Sometimes it feels like there are just so many things to tackle, doesn't it? From sloppy handwriting to harsh comebacks to dishonesty to messy bedrooms, there are days when I feel as if all I do is correct and redirect. I feel for these kids; it must be so monumentally defeating when you can't get anything right. I think that's why Alexander and the Horrible, Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Day was written. 

So this year it's one thing. Just one. While we're reading a lot about loving our neighbor well, putting together motors and other science projects, drawing and studying Napolean, writing essays and reading lots of good books, what I will stop all the other action for every single time is the need to pick it up, put it away, and take care of it. Those are skills they'll need forever.

Is it time to scale back and pick one thing at your house?

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All the Ways I Got Parenting Wrong

By the time I had our firstborn when I was 22 years old, I had a solid ten years of babysitting under my belt. I'd lived with a family as a nanny during college, taken a job with a professional nanny agency right after I graduated (we needed the money and my music degree wasn't paying any bills yet), and considered myself a well-seasoned pro.

That was my first mistake. Over a decade of changing diapers, playing with babies and toddlers, entertaining elementary kids, and giving parents a well-deserved break, I developed an overwhelming sense of pride in myself and this ability to care for children. I had this down, and I was going to do it right. Without God's help, ostensibly.

We took Growing Kids God's Way parenting classes, and the name just sort of lays it out there - we were doing it GOD'S WAY. Sheesh. I listened to Focus on the Family and read parenting book after book after book by Christian authors. For a decade, at least, my head was in those books and my eye was on my methods, but my heart was not listening to the still small voice of the Holy Spirit.

My heart listened to me.

That was my second mistake. I know my kids saw the ugly pride and my self-reliance but they were kids and could not explain the self-righteousness they were living with. They just knew that this mom who poured her life into them was not relying on the Holy Spirit she liked to talk about. 

And then there was the crib tent. Holy smokes, how I liked to roll my eyes at the people who used crib tents to keep their kids in bed at nap time. I would mumble something about "not being able to properly train their children" under my breath, and the hideous root of pride would send out shoots and tendrils into my consciousness, invading any place that showed light and choking out the grace and mercy of God. 

Until one afternoon when I found myself weeping just outside of our 18-month-old's room. She was our 6th child, which meant I also was raising and homeschooling a 3-year-old, a 5-year-old, a 7-year-old, a 9-year-old, and an 11-year-old. She would not, for love nor money, stay in that crib, and we fought it out for at least 45 minutes before every nap and bedtime. This was the beginning of the end of my rope. I shuffled back to my own bedroom, weary, exhausted, and defeated. 

That evening, my kind and compassionate friend delivered her crib tent to me so that I could get some much-needed sleep. After constructing it to fit our little one's crib, I blew a kiss to my toddler safely enclosed in her crib tent, and marveled when she waved her fat little hand, smiled, then lay down to go to sleep.

Just like that, I was humbled by a crib tent. 

That toddler is now a giggly 10-year-old, and while we've launched two sons into adulthood, we've still got 6 kids and teens at home. Last month, I was reminded of the crib tent when I placed an order on Amazon for a child safety leash.

What do you think the mother who struggles with the idea of using a crib tent feels about walking around in public with a kid on a leash? Yeah, that. But this was for our brain-injured 6-year-old who darts into traffic and jumps off of divider walls. I have lived in fear of losing this boy in a crowded place for the past 6 years of his life.

We test drove our happy little rainbow-colored child safety leash at the mall one afternoon, and Mighty Joe was, for the most part, happy to be attached to me. He was safe. It was good.

Further humbling for a mom prone to rely on her own "right" choices. But further refining beauty, too. The most beautiful thing to come from knocking down my self-erected idol of parenting perfection? Adult kids who have forgiven me, text me, laugh with me, and partner in prayer for our family. Teens who want to be in our home, hang out with me, lay their burdens down at the end of the day and ask for my support. Redemption.

That's our God: He takes a prideful, arrogant human mom and redeems her mistakes, exchanging them for something lovely and rich.

What's your parenting mistake? He'll redeem that, too.

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The Big Book of Homeschool Ideas - Coming August 1st

Coming August 1st - The Big Book of Homeschool Ideas

Covering topics that are both hands-on practical and super encouraging for weary hearts and excited first-timers alike, The Big Book of Homeschool Ideas is packed with the wisdom of 55 experienced homeschooling moms. In fact, Kendra has written two of the chapters: Teaching a Subject You Don't Love and Managing Multiple Ages.

More info coming soon!

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Why This Classical Homeschooler is Ditching Latin

Ahhhhh, Latin. The subject our parents studied pre-1960, but us? Not so much.

Like every good classical homeschooler who read The Well-Trained Mind (that's an affiliate link) the minute it hit the market, we too took up the Latin banner. I like languages and enjoy teaching them (passed AP Spanish then studied French, German, and Italian in college), but Latin was new and sounded so academic. 

We got the point of teaching it and decided it was worth our time. We were excited when Classical Academic Press came out with their Latin for Children series and we walked around singing "Come to my insula, come to my island" for days. 

Now it's 2014. We've been homeschooling for 17 years. We have 5 students (2 graduated) who've studied Latin using the Classical Academic Press materials, Henle Latin, and the Latin's Not So Tough series. A couple have told me how helpful it's been while now studying Spanish or French; others tell me they remember nothing from it. Awesome.

This year, I'm ditching Latin for my elementary students. Instead, we're going to study Spanish for Children. I'll admit there's some selfishness involved here: I love Spanish and want to refresh my vocabulary, and I'm kind of tired of Latin. The 8th grader will continue with Latin in her Classical Conversations class, the 10th grader will be studying her second year of Spanish, and the senior will continue his second year of ASL after having studied both Latin and Koine Greek. 

Despite the success we've had with Latin in our home, I'm walking away this year. Does that seem stupid? Maybe. But here's the thing: I'm ditching Latin because I can. You can, too. I'm ditching Latin because right now, Spanish seems to be the better option for us. Will my 5th and 2nd-graders be ruined because they do not know the Latin derivatives of English and the Romance languages? Nope. We'll probably return to it somewhere along the way.

My point? You have the freedom, too. What isn't working in your homeschool this year? How can you make a simple swap so that you enjoy what you're learning together?

5 Things to Ask Yourself Before You Start Homeschooling This Year

Are you just starting to homeschool? Thinking about it? Totally committed? No matter where you are on your homeschool journey, we think it might be a good idea to stop right now before the school year gets going and ask yourself the following five questions:

1. Why are we homeschooling our kids? 

It's a basic question, and maybe you have a simple answer. If you can clearly define and then write down the reasons you've chosen to educate your kids at home, you'll have something to remind yourself when the going gets tough in, say, October.

2. Do we feel pressure by our friends, family, or church to homeschool?

This is the second dumbest reason to homeschool. If you're feeling pressured to homeschool because someone in your life is communicating to you that your kids will be ruined and ravaged by the world if you don't, it's time to re-evaluate your choice. 

There is yuck everywhere, from the grocery store checkout aisle pornography-masked-as-fashion magazine covers to the F-word scratched into the picnic table at church to the Wendy's where my daughters and I recently had lunch and were treated to a business meeting at the next table over in which the men were spouting profanities like free water. 

If you are going to homeschool this year, make that decision based on you, your kids, and the leading of the Holy Spirit. He's a lot better guide than peer pressure. Besides, peers who push us to do as they do are trying to find their acceptance in your acceptance of their choices. Go back and listen to Homeschooling Will Save Your Kids, Part One, and Homeschooling Will Save Your Kids, Part Two. Our hope is in Jesus!

3. Are we homeschooling because we fear the world will taint our kids or public school will be their downfall?

This is the dumbest reason to homeschool. There are legitimate reasons to pull kids out of public schools or keep them home for a season or their entire school career, but fear shouldn't fuel our forward momentum. 

I know parents who pulled their kids out of public school after the Columbine shootings and Sandy Hook. It's scary stuff, but do you know that a child is 200 times more likely to die in an auto accident than in a school shooting? And we're all still driving cars . . .

See the second paragraph under Question 2, then remind yourself of the truth:

The LORD is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid? Psalm 27:1

The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? Psalm 118:6

For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
2 Timothy 1:7

You who fear him, trust in the LORD - he is their help and shield. Psalm 115:11

But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children - Psalm 103:17

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

4. Are we equipped to do what we're supposed to do this year?

Do you have needs that are known now, such as an impending pregnancy that will require lots of sleep and down time, a job change or move during the school year, or a lack of sufficient finances to carry you through while one of you stays home with the kids?

Pretending those needs aren't imminent will not make them go away. Trust God to help you through and to provide all your needs while facing reality and making a plan. Need help? Ask. Don't be afraid to ask.

5. Can we accept other options if homeschooling isn't the best thing for our kids?

We just toppled a giant sacred cow simply by asking that question. Die-hard homeschoolers (of which we used to be) will communicate in no uncertain terms that homeschooling is the only option. Period.

Meanwhile, you've got a teen with anger issues directed expressly at you, a junior higher begging to be able to go to "real school", a 4th grader whose math skills are already beyond your scope, and a baby on the way. Do you have options?

Yes. Always yes. You may ultimately decide that keeping your high schooler home to work on your relationship is the best option, but you might also find a compassionate teacher in a well-run school who loves on your teen and points him to Jesus, the only one who can overcome the anger anyway.

You might find that online schooling is a major problem-solver (helloooo Currclick! {affiliate}), part-time classes on campus are the bomb (our two high schoolers do and adore this), and homeschooling was great for a season but now it's time to move on.

Our God is a God of creativity and surprises. Never does one size fit all. Happy homeschooling!

When Homeschool Speakers Forget Jesus

Kendra Fletcher, Homeschooling Speaker and Gospel-Forgetter

Fletch is the comedian, and I'm the muller.

I ask him to write humorous posts but it's usually 11 p.m. and he looks at me with eyes that squint and say, "Girl. I have to get up at 5:30 tomorrow morning so I can go pull tartar out of people's teeth." 

We're coming off a weekend of hosting my brother's family from Texas. They're all athletes and thinkers; ripped and brainy. My brother has two master's degrees and is about to finish his doctorate. I asked him what he's going to do with it and he said he just likes to study. He's trying to decide what to get his next doctorate in. Yeah.

Their firstborn is at Princeton on a full-ride scholarship. Their second son just got a $200,000 ROTC scholarship to the University of Richmond.

My sister-in-law (his wife) says, "Everyone in my house likes to study. They're all quiet and reading and taking notes and I'm all like, 'I'll just go walk the dog.'"

Me too. I'm just over here trying to get the pizza not to burn and really hoping I didn't kill the tomato plants on the back porch. And my two college kids going to average schools but without debt suddenly look a little shabby. I mean, we were thrilled when they decided to keep going to school and didn't have to take any student loans, but in light of the Princeton nephew and the $200,000 nephew, we look pretty lame. 

I left my brother and his family with Fletch on Saturday so I could go speak at the CHEA/SCOPE convention (all those letters - California Home Educators . . .  Sacramento . . . something). I gave three workshops, 2 of which were nicely attended/packed and one that had one attendee. ONE. It was the workshop in between the nicely attended/packed workshops, and it was a big-time ego deflater. 

Here's where the homeschool speaker forgets Jesus: 

I had a great day with my family on Friday eating, chatting, going to see a big parade of classic cars, dishing up ice cream. I got up on Saturday and had a delightful 90 minute drive with a friend and no kid interruptions. I spoke about grace and crisis and the gospel. It was terrific! And then, the ONE person shows up. Suddenly I'm the biggest loser the homeschool convention circuit has ever seen. 

I had to give that whole workshop to ONE person because they record them and all the people who chose to go hear all the other speakers in that time slot can buy the workshop recordings from the loser speakers like me. I'm like the workshop consolation prize.

Then I walked into my next workshop and it was packed. PACKED. The door wouldn't shut. The strollers didn't fit. People kept coming in. Dang! Now I'm like the Oprah Winfrey of the homeschool convention! People like me! I bet I could get Starbucks to name a drink after me. 

Do you know what I told those people in that PACKED workshop? I told them that homeschooling won't save their kids. I told them that Jesus paid it all. I told them that their identity isn't in how well they parent, what curriculum they choose, if they homeschool, or how their kids turn out. I told them that Jesus is our identity. That what He did on Calvary is what gives us our worth, our value, and our significance.

But I didn't tell that to the ONE. I didn't say it until after I sat down and she and I talked face to face and I told her what a loser I am. I said it then because it took me that whole embarrassing workshop to remember it myself. Kendra, your identity isn't in a packed workshop. It isn't in how well you speak, what you impart, or how shining an example you might be.

You, too, reader.

In the pitiful middle sandwiched between the good times, don't forget: you are loved, worthy, significant, and valuable because your identity is in Jesus, and He is perfect. 

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Mom, Are You Taking Care of Yourself?

The guilt. Why didn't anyone tell me about the guilt that accompanies being a mom?

And then homeschooling. On top of the guilt. More guilt. More guilt that motivates me to want do more for and with my kids than is humanly possible, but somehow I run ahead with awesome ideas and don't count the cost. 

Creating 24 layers of rainbow cakes and themed co-op days for 100 kids and their parents (not really, but maybe you do?), photo-copying the entire year's worth of school stuff all at one time (this actually saves my hide in the end), making sure the gluten-free people don't get wheat anywhere, running 4 loads of laundry a day, getting kids where they need to be, lecturing about the affects of Prohibition on the following American decade, working the back end of blogs and sites and marketing, speaking to groups all over, and keeping my toenails painted.

It takes a toll.

Even if you're smarter than I am and saying no to all of the options that abound, are you taking care of yourself? Here's a little checklist to ask yourself this week. It's not meant to add to your to-do list, but to help you evaluate where you might be neglecting your own health. I'm adding no guilt to your cornucopia!

1. Do you know how much sleep you should be getting? Find out here.
   
2. Are you sleeping as much as you should be? 
   
3. Are you brushing and flossing your teeth at least twice each day? 
   
4. Have you seen a dentist this year? Here's why you should.
   
5. Have you had your annual appointment with an obstetrician or midwife? Current PAP guidelines are here (and they're no longer annual).
   
6. Are you conducting breast self-exams? Here's how.
   
7. Take a shower, Mom. A fussy baby can sit in the car seat on the floor of the bathroom while you jump in, soap up, rinse off, and jump out. 3 minutes, tops. Baby will survive, I promise (and I've raised 8).
   
8. Are you eating more or less than you should be? I find myself snacking on the leftovers, and my body doesn't need that food. Try the Lose It! app to help you keep track.
   
9. But don't just count calories. Make your calories count! Get nutrition help if you don't know where to start. 
   
10. Exercise. Oy. The secret? Find something you love to do that moves your body. Anything. Forget trying to look like the people on the video. It's their job to look like that. Is it yours? No. Just move your body every day in some way you enjoy enough to keep you doing it.
    
11. You know that smoking and excessive alcohol are unhealthy. So are prescriptions drugs or coffee or Diet Coke or anything else you feel you must have to make it through every day. Yes, I said coffee. A socially acceptable addiction, but it's still an addiction any way you slice it.
    
12. On the other hand, if a cup of coffee or a glass of iced tea or a cube of butter or whatever is your afternoon pick-me-up, then so be it. It's not cocaine. If you are having serious withdrawals if you don't have that thing, then it's probably time to evaluate your commitment to it.
    
13. Are you nurturing your mind? Reading something you love, listening to podcasts that stretch you, watching TED Talks, taking a class on Khan Academy, skimming the news and current events, attending a book signing.
    
14. Are you taking care of your soul? If you need wisdom, ask our generous God and He will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. James 1:5

Traveling With Kids Is Worth All the Effort!

The first time I flew on an airplane, I was two weeks old. It’s not a trip I remember, of course, but it was the first journey in a long season of childhood travel that would shape my life. 

In 1976, my parents took my two older brothers and me on a “Bicentennial” trip. We toured Boston, Philadelphia, New York City, Williamsburg, and of course, Washington D.C., soaking in history and seeing everything we could. I remember a shocking number of details and events, particularly given the fact that I had just turned 6 that summer.

That's little me on the left, touching the Liberty Bell back in 1976.

That’s the thing about travel and kids. I hear parents hem and haw about whether to spend the money on a big trip for a little kid, thinking that they won’t get much out of it, but my experience has been exactly the opposite. 

I remember the Boston city tour with “Ben Franklin”, a docent who dressed the part and led us through Mr. Franklin’s life. This is where I heard about Ben’s famous kite for the first time, and every time thereafter, I would picture walking those cobbled streets with that tour guide whenever the story was mentioned.

I remember being fascinated by Betsy Ross’s home, my brother running right into the door at Independence Hall and emerging with a bloody lip, the crack in the liberty bell, riding the elevator to the top of the World Trade Center and feeling the floor shift, climbing the stairs up the Statue of Liberty, and finishing my bowl of peanut soup at the King’s Arms Tavern.

Watergate, 1976, long before I knew its significance. 

In the years that followed, my parents took us to places close to home —  growing up in California offers an entire state of travel destinations — and places faraway. I saw Hawaii, Florida, Texas, and a slew of states in between. I spent my 12th birthday in the heather on the hills of Scotland and my 16th watching Rudolph Nureyev dance Swan Lake in London. I saw Les Miserables on Broadway, gazed in wonder at the stalactites and stalagmites inside Carlsbad Caverns, and spent nights in a sleeping bag in Yosemite Valley. 

It would be faulty to underplay the importance of all I saw and experienced as we traveled throughout my youth, and in fact, I used to tell people that I was getting a better education from my parents than I ever got in a classroom. Entirely true.

Now, a parent myself with a far more limited travel budget than my parents had, I look for opportunities to expose my kids to the greater world around them. I want them to view life and society with an eye that isn’t America-centric. We save our money, we plan carefully, and then we go. My big dream? Spend at least a month somewhere other than here and immerse ourselves in that culture. My kids are dreaming about Switzerland, Italy, New Zealand, and South Africa. 

As far as I’m able, I’ll make this world traveling thing a reality, and if the money isn’t there, I’ll keep the dream alive by watching the Travel Channel, hopping in the car to explore our state, and reading about far away lands and cultures. Is it worth the time and money invested to take young kids around the world, or even around the corner? You bet!

Ready to hear about the big Travel Effect Giveaway????

One winner will be blessed to receive: 3 nights stay at Casa del Rey in Hobe Sound Beach, and a chance to meet Jen-value -$450 2 nights stay for a family of 4 plus Breakfast at Sun Tower Hotel Suites in Fort Lauterdale - value $500. Geo Matters Maps & Geography Bundle TBA ~$150. Wonder Maps from Bright Ideas Press - value $49.95. Apple Core one year subscription- value $55. Words With Wings One Year Subscription from Word Traveling - value $59. Car Cache -value $20. Click the image above to enter!

What Homeschooling Does to a Marriage

What does homeschooling do to a marriage? Are there particular stresses and strains present just because homeschooling adds its own issues into the family dynamic?

Fletch and I married in the summer between my junior and senior year of college. Weeks after I graduated, we headed off to San Francisco and he started dental school. I took a job as a nanny and taught at a performing arts school. And I felt lousy.

Nauseated, weak, spinning as if my world was being swallowed into a vortex. You know where this is going, don't you? I was pregnant with our firstborn.

It was stressful timing, to say the least, and by the time Fletch hit the graduation platform, we had a two-year-old and a newborn. We moved, he took a job, we plugged into a new church, we met new people. 

I was pregnant again. By the time I was 29, we had four children we adored and a dental practice with bills as large as our state deficit (this is California; I might be exaggerating).

We were homeschooling and sometime I'll tell you why this girl who said, "I will never, not ever homeschool" decided to homeschool. 

Baby 5, baby 6, miscarriage, baby 7, baby 8, and then the harrowing near-misses began - you can read those stories here.

But you have similar tales to tell, don't you? The trials we've weathered simply have a different name than the trials you've weathered, and the strains and stresses put upon a marriage just have a different hue. It's all rocky terrain.

Homeschooling adds: 

+ Children
+ Educational decisions
+Loss of income
+Paperwork
+Guilt
+Worry
+Feelings of Inadequacy
+Limited alone time
+Discipleship opportunities
+Much more time together

How does a marriage weather all that homeschooling adds? Is there any good to be had by adding full-time homeschooling to your family dynamic? Before we hit that topic on this week's podcast, we'd love to hear from you. 

What is the hardest thing about homeschooling? What positive dynamic has homeschooling leant to your marriage?

LISTEN TO WHAT HOMESCHOOL DOES TO A MARRIAGE BY CLICKING THE IMAGE BELOW:

Are You More Committed to Homeschooling or to Your Kids?

I was. We were. Homeschooling was the miracle cure, and our commitment ran deep. 

When our oldest son could have benefited from some of the strengths of a classroom setting, we held fast to homeschooling as the unwavering standard. When our second son told us he felt he should go to school, we dismissed him out of hand and told him it wasn't even a consideration. We even told them that if they didn't end up homeschooling their own kids, we would feel like failures.

Good grief. Do you see a major breech of identity here? We were communicating clearly that we believed homeschooling was the ultimate answer, and that our identity was wrapped up in our choice to do this thing and how they turned out as a result.

God has been gracious to rip that rug out from underneath us, and our oldest sons have been gracious to forgive our misplaced zeal. The oldest has thrived in the college classrooms he's been learning in and our second son tells us that the Classical Conversations classroom year he had was the best year of high school for him. He's off to nursing school in August, and we're looking forward to the good things those classrooms will encourage in him.

The point is, it can be terribly easy to let ourselves get so wrapped up in homeschooling that we miss the forest for the trees, and in this case, the forest is our kids. God has called them to something, and is it possible that His calling might include a direction you didn't anticipate?

It's a good idea to ask yourself every once in awhile, "Is my identity so wrapped up in the job I'm doing as I educate my kids at home that I couldn't quickly change paths if I knew it were the better option because my identity is in my methods and not in God?" Phewf. Take a breath. Step back. Look at those kids and keep your eyes on Jesus, then point them to Him, too. You know, it's possible to point them to Jesus, even if they're in a classroom. 

Enter to Win the HomeschoolingIRL Buzzkill Basket!

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Burnt out? This basket is for you! We've included some of Fletch and Kendra's favorite things that we've mentioned on HomeschoolingIRL episodes, so if you're a HIRLer, you'll double-like this giveaway!

• One bag of Fletch's favorite coffee bean, Huehuetenango from Kean Coffee of Newport Beach, California
• Two bars of Ghiradelli Dark & Sea Salt Caramel Chocolate. Ghiradelli is just over the bridge from us in San Francisco, California
• One bag of Ghiradelli Premium Double Chocolate Hot Cocoa
• One box of Kendra's favorite tea, Good Earth Sweet and Spicy
• A CD copy of our most popular episode, Homeschooling is a Buzzkill
• Your very own HomeschoolingIRL coffee mug
• That cute little fish

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Want to win more baskets? You could win them all! Join the bloggers of iHomeschoolNetwork for a chance to win some really great gifts -  just click the image below:

(1) Jane Austen Giveaway†from Amy at Milk and Cookies (2) Moms of Gifted Kids Book Basket†from Colleen at Raising Lifelong Learners (3) Mama's Tea Time Gift Basket†from Jamie at See Jamie Blog (4) Bible Study Basket Giveaway†from Sam at Sam's Noggin (5) Mom's Coffee Break Basket from Heidi at Starts at Eight (6) Spring Goodie Bag inspired by Epcot Flower & Garden Festival from Megan and Susan at Education Possible (7) Mom's Just for Fun Basket†from Lara at Lara's Place and a Cup of Grace (8) Preschoolers and Peace Pampered Pantry Basket†from Michele at Preschoolers and Peace (9) Homeschooling IRL Buzzkill Basket†from Kendra at Homeschooling IRL (10) Mom's Relaxation Basket from Stephanie at Harrington Harmonies (11) Healthy & Fit Mama Basket†from Alisha at Flourish (12) Mom's Memories Basket from Renee at Great Peace Academy (13) Trim Healthy Mama Basket†from Judy at Contented at Home (14)Treasures for a Catholic Mother from Dianna at The Kennedy Adventures

Homeschoolers Are So Weird

The weirdest kid I ever met sat next to me in Mr. Grey's sixth grade classroom at Gaston Elementary School. He kept a lot to himself, but it's difficult to know whether he was a loner because he was weird or if the other kids' exclusivity pushed him to the fringe.

His behavior was nerdy. He spoke fondly of the minute details of Star Trek and obsessed over obscure heavy metal bands. He favored AC/DC because their name was derived from electrical units. He didn't like pizza and he'd never learned to ski, true markers of grammar school coolness. 

I met Jason* in the 4th grade, and we were just a few alphabetical letters apart from each other on the stage at our high school graduation. During those nine years of tracking each other through elementary classrooms, jr. high, and high school courses, he remained anti-social, despite my several attempts to befriend him. I felt sorry for Jason, and I didn't like the way the other kids excluded him.

He was a lot like weird homeschoolers.

I'm not sure why we selectively forget about the weird kids in public school or private school when we say "Homeschoolers are so weird". If, like me, you went to school in an institutionalized setting, were there not oddballs amongst your classmates? What about in your workplace? Is everyone as cool as you, or do you know a few adults who aren't into the same things you are?

In fact, I wasn't homeschooled, either, and I'm pretty sure my interests brand me as weird. Knitting (seriously). Opera. Blogging. British literature. Grand Slam tennis. 

A classroom in a brick and mortar school doesn't guarantee social acceptance or adeptness. Andy Warhol was weird. So is Lady Gaga. We think of actors and celebrities as the ultimate in cool, but every year we lose a few to drug overdoses, and we've watched not a few too many very cool teenage actors go entirely off the rails. I wouldn't exactly call that positively socialized. 

Maybe it's just better to realize that many homeschooled kids tend to be able to eschew the social confines of a peer group that marginalizes anyone with any interests it arbitrarily deems strange. In other words, homeschooled kids have the freedom to be who they were created to be, to pursue the things they really like, and to have mostly cheerleaders instead of mostly jerks surrounding them. 

Weird people are everywhere. Aren't you glad? Without them, there would likely be no quantum physics, waltzes in 3/4 time, basketball, or Disneyland. That last guy - Walt Disney - was told he was a fool to think his little mouse was a viable career path. Clear thousands of swamp acreage to build a park with a mouse as its theme? Weird. Laughable! Bet he would have been kept off the recess cool kids' baseball team if he had admitted his dream.

Homeschooling doesn't make a kid weird. It allows them to be who they are. If that seems weird or threatening, maybe it's time to assess the value of a mainstream classroom environment that kills our tolerance for the odd.

*By the way, I've changed the names of people and places because for all I know, Jason turned out perfectly normal. Whatever that is.

How a Homeschooling Mom Keeps Going When the Going Gets Ridiculously Tough

We've been homeschooling for 17 years now. If I'm being perfectly honest, I will tell you that the last seven of those have been the hardest, longest, and most trying years of my life.

Seven years ago our 7th child was born, and when he was just 5 months old, I found out I was expecting number 8. I took a cheap pregnancy test in the bathroom of the grocery store where I shop and when it came up with the telltale blue line, I wept. I love every one of these kids, but that pregnancy coming on so close to the one before was like a sucker punch.

Seven weeks after our surprise number 8 was born, I found that sweet baby in a coma. The story is difficult and glorious to tell, but the end result is that he is permanently brain damaged. Six months later, I ran over our 5-year-old with our van. Do I even need to say that it was the worst moment of my life? A year later, we woke to find our 8-year-old in septic shock. She, too, lives with the lasting physical effects of an undetected ruptured appendix. 

So yes, these past 7 years have been the most difficult of my entire life. Nowhere in these years has there been a break from educating the school-aged kids, either. That's one of the hardest things about homeschooling - there are no substitute teachers. I guess the upside is that there isn't a loss of income if I don't show up, either.

Somewhere in the management of this amusingly large family, during the weeks of hospital stays, numerous follow-up visits that are only accelerating this year for our brain-injured guy, and other inevitable detours amongst the daily grind, I've had to learn how to keep going.

Thrive? Sometimes. Not always. And really, there have been long-suffering months of barely keeping my head above water. Heck, there have been weeks on end of feeling like someone's strong hand was pushing my head under the water and feeling very, very small.

In my puniness, I had no place to go but to Jesus. That's always the only option, but when I'm not feeling pressed, I tend to shift my hope to pretty nearly anything else. Because I'm a stupid human, and aren't I so crazy thankful that Jesus stands in my place, in spite of me.

There are gifts, though. Scripture reminders through the songs my kids are singing in the kitchen (that's a silly affiliate link because we like those songs), long showers where no one can interrupt my thoughts or tears, and working out to let the pressure roll out of my muscles. 

You have been given gifts, too. When the hard work of homeschooling collides with the unexpected catastrophes of living here on earth, remember Who saved you and look for the gifts. If it all feels like too much of a burden to bear, then somewhere along the line we have yoked ourselves to something that He did not. Where in the midst of the crumbling chaos are the gifts that God has given you? He faithfully doles out wisdom in generous measure so that the burden and yoke He places upon us is light. And there are answers, even if the answer is to stop homeschooling. 

Let's talk about that soon.

Ten Easy Ways to Have a Ball With Your Kids

1. Grab big wheels and bikes and explore your local college. Most have large, open expanses and kids can go crazy.

2. Serve ice cream sundaes for breakfast. 

3. Invent new foods using the word "Dad" in the title: Daduccinos, Dadadillas, etc.

4. Get your kids up in the middle of the night and go for a donut run.

5. Hold a back-rubbing contest with your kids. This is a sneaky way to get your shoulders rubbed, but make the prize HUGE. $20 to the winner!

Having fun at the governor's office, California State Capitol

6. Take a stack of colored pencils and paper and go to your local coffee shop. Hold a drawing competition: design a poster for a yet-to-be-released movie.

7. Go to a little league game. Pick a team and become the loudest cheering section ever.

8. Drive out into the country and watch a meteor shower. Crank up the theme from Close Encounters on the car stereo. 

9. Make a movie with your kids. Write the script together, then pull the whole thing off in a weekend. Think small: 5 minutes of film is enough to tell a great story.

10. Start a rock band with your daughter. 

We Love Bill Peet Books!

Mighty Joe loves Bill Peet 
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Isn't it super great when you can pass something you loved as a kid along to your own kids once you're a parent?

I loved reading Bill Peet books when I was a little girl, so naturally when I started taking our oldest son to the library, I'd look for Bill Peet books to read to him. The library branch where we lived in San Francisco was an old, beautiful stone building with steps that curved around the front. I remember having to pick the entire stroller up with Hayden inside just to get up those steps. I'm sure there was a ramp somewhere, but I never found it. 

What we did find was a sweet children's area with the requisite carpeted crawling area and baskets brimming with board books. In that little corner on a foggy San Francisco morning, I would sit with Hayden on my lap and read.

Bill Peet topped the list, but not until Hayden was able to sit for a wordy, funny, poignant story, and Bill Peet wrote all of the above. He was also a Disney animator back in the early years, and his illustrations tell the story as well as his carefully chosen and oft-rhyming words. 

Our favorites? The Caboose Who Got Loose, The Ant and the Elephant, Chester the Worldly Pig, Big Bad Bruce, Huge Harold, and Merle the High Flying Squirrel. 

Is Technology Really Ruining Our Kids?

I was speaking at a mom's meeting last month and as I usually do, I answered several questions at the end of the talk. I love this part; new moms and seasoned moms and burnt out moms and excited expectant moms throw their struggles out and together we troubleshoot.

This group had a nice number of older women serving as mentors, and one raised her hand eagerly. "What do you do about technology? I mean, my granddaughter just has her phone in front of her all the time, and she's texting with her thumbs non-stop."

I smiled. We're all familiar, no?

"Things were just different when I was a kid. We used to all hang out on the front porch and talk to our neighbors. It was different than these kids today."

Implied meaning: it was better.

I wondered. Was it better? I'm sure we'll all agree that face-to-face communication and just being with people physically is better, because doing life together is where relationships gain importance. But was life without the internet and wifi and all this mind-blowing technology better?

I'm voting no. Surprised? A mom of 8 born in 1970 is boldly saying no - I don't think life was better because our kids didn't have cell phones and the ability to text.

I like that my kids can Skype their cousins in Houston, enjoying goofy facial expressions and showing each other their latest nail polish acquisition or Lego creation  -  it's better.

I like that I have built a relationship via texting with my adult nieces who live scattered across California, who I otherwise would only chat with on holidays - it's better.

I like that 6 of us were gathered around the kitchen counter last night laughing and reminiscing over old photos that streamed digitally across my laptop screen - it's better.

I like that my soul sister in New Zealand texts me all week long as we share the common struggles of parenting, laugh over the dorky things we've done, or shoot Scripture to each other by way of encouragement. In real time - it's better.

I like that I can toss paperwork and keep digital copies, transfer money from my work account to our personal account, order almond milk in bulk on a pre-set shipping schedule, buy Christmas gifts in the car on the way to a business dinner, and plan my dinner menu all on my phone -  it's better.

I like that Australian technicians were reading my critically ill kids' CAT scans while they and their doctors were sleeping on California time - it's better.

I like that when I was in the hospital three times with three different kids for three life-altering reasons, my oldest sons could text me and ask what I needed them to pray for, or check the schedule and ask how they could help - it's way, way better.

I know what you're thinking. What about that granddaughter who can't talk to her grandmother because her thumbs and eyeballs are glued to her tiny screen? That's not better.

No, it's not. I have two thoughts concerning this sweet girl whom I don't know and who we're all picking on:

1. She's potentially the age and personality of a punky tween who would choose not to engage with her grandmother whether or not she had her own cell phone

2. She hasn't grown up in a home that's taught her to enter in

Enter in? Yes. Since our kids were little squirts, we've talked to them often about what it means to enter in. Talk. Shake hands. Look someone in the eye. Put down the phone. Enter in.

Enter In

Some are better than others at it; one son struggles to make himself put the technology away, but he's personable and friendly and even works as a host at a restaurant. Another would probably naturally enter in anyway, a third is a very quiet man-of-few-words who knows how to have a quality conversation with anyone, and our daughters are coming up in the same way.

So there it is: I believe technology is awesome and cool and we are so blessed to be able to use it. And I also believe that we and our kids need to enter in. Love people well. Put down the phone, but embrace the awesomeness that is technology. Because in real life, technology can help make those relationships even better.

How to Spend 24 Hours in San Francisco With Children

Sometimes the hardest part of being a parent to more than one child is simply taking the time to show your kids the world. With that in mind, I made a decision some years back to take each of our daughters somewhere special for her 10th, 15th, and 20th birthdays. 

So far, we've only hit the 10th birthday trips. This year it was Annesley's turn, and we chose to spend 24 hours in the heart of San Francisco.

We arrived in the city around 6 p.m., which meant we were hungry and ready for dinner. We made our way to a hotel where I'd recently stayed and was pleased with, the Marriott Union Square. I chose it because not only is it new and clean and pretty, it's priced very fairly for a drop-dead fabulous location - Sutter Street right off Union Square. We could walk anywhere we wanted to go.

And we did! Dropping our bags in our room on the 23rd floor, we road the elevator down and then walked right over to where the action was. 

The Christmas Tree at Union Square

Annesley had her heart set on Boudin Bakery, and I knew that the Boudin in the cellar at Macy's wouldn't be ridiculously packed. She ordered clam chowder in a sourdough bowl (because that's what you get at Boudin) and then we were on our way to see the lights and beauty of San Francisco at Christmastime. 

There's an ice rink in the square during the holidays, and it always makes me smile to see skaters in short sleeves when the days are sunny. Of course, San Francisco is cold and often foggy at night, but during the day it's pretty funny to see Californians on the ice in their t-shirts and jeans.

The Tree in the Rotunda, Neiman Marcus

Next stop was to the rotunda of Neiman Marcus, which is just across the street from Macy's. The tree there is at least four stories high, and we rode the escalator to the very top just so that we could look all the way down. 

We took in the tiny dollhouses with working lights in the windows of Tiffany's, drank complimentary cups of cider and hot cocoa at Williams Sonoma, and ogled the gowns behind glass in Bloomingdales.

My newly-minted 10-year-old was tired, so we called it a night.

Next morning, I had no other breakfast establishment in mind than the one-and-only Sears Fine Foods. Sears has been around since 1938, and I'd been going there ever since I was a kid. 18 Swedish silver dollar pancakes stacked high, deeply-pocketed waffles with strawberries and whipped cream -  my girl was in heaven. 

This particular daughter of mine adores animals. I knew what was in the windows at Macy's at Christmastime and couldn't think of a better place to take her. Live animals! The SPCA presents puppies and kittens for adoption in the cleverly decorated windows of Macy's at Christmas. She saw them the night before, but we had to return - twice! - the next day.

Donating to the SPCA

Our last stop in Union Square was for me. Britex Fabrics has the most magical button collection I've ever seen, and even Annesley was wowed by all they have in their four-story emporium. I picked up a few sets for upcoming projects. I'm thinking I'll knit up something with those buttons as a special reminder to her of our trip.

Goofing off at the Chinatown Gate

It's a quick walk to the Bush Street gate of Chinatown from Union Square. Just a few blocks from our hotel, we walked quite a ways into the heart of Chinatown, browsing little stores full of satin slippers and gorgeous embroidery and pondering the most interesting and unidentifiable produce in the large woven baskets in front of the markets.

San Francisco's Chinatown is the largest outside of Asia and the oldest in North America. Our favorite dim sum restaurant is here, as is the Golden Gate Fortune Cookie Factory.

We didn't stay too long in Chinatown, however; we had someplace to be!

The San Francisco Symphony has so many things going for it. Aside from its world class conductor, Michael Tilson Thomas, the symphony attracts the best of the best performers and makes its home in the gorgeous Davies Symphony Hall overlooking Van Ness Avenue, across from the opera house and city hall. But for us, the best part during the last decade has been its family-friendly performances. 

Annesley sings in our children's choir and often with the local symphony, so when a sing-along Christmas show with the San Francisco symphony and Pacific Boys Choir was advertised, I quickly purchased a couple of tickets.

Davies Symphony Hall

During intermission, everyone was handed a glow stick. Kids with glow sticks at the symphony? Awesome.

We then headed home (about an hour and a half from the city) because we had somewhere to be that night, but I was very pleased with all we had accomplished during our city trip. That's what Californians call San Francisco - the City. Because, really, there just isn't another city like it!

Granted, there are many, many more things to do with kids in the City, but for us, it was perfect!